just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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