Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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