But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
