how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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