We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
