i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
