I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
