I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
