My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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