I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
