If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
