I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
