You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
