census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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