I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
