And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
