I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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