lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
