well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
