THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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