i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
