my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
