i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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