Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
