Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
