My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
