Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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