Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
