just come out here and I will go home with you...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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