im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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