sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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