Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
