I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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