you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
