I am puke
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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