I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
