While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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