So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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