my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
