when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
