It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
