wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
