I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
