I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mom said you looked used
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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