well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
