I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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