I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
