girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
