btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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