You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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