Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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